Breaking the silence

Time to break the silence........that is exactly how I see others treating this subject. In fact its pretty much a non subject. I feel so awkward when I talk to people about our baby journey because I get next to no response. I guess others don't know what to say.  They often say that you can't miss what you haven't had. I beg to differ! 

When I meet someone new the conversation goes something like this: " Are you married,? 'Yes.' Great they respond, "How long have you been married? '6 years.' I respond. The next question after that is logical to them, "Do you have any children ?" 'No' I respond 'I have a Chihuahua.' Often that's the end of the conversation or the conversation gets very awkward. 

 On other occasions I have complete strangers coming up to me asking me do I have children and then they say the Lord says I am going to have children. I am a strong believer and I have a strong faith, I love Jesus and I totally believe that he is able to do absolutely anything. In fact even at 46 I have not given up on the prospect of having our own natural children. Nonetheless the barriers to overcome besides my age are pretty massive which I will or have talked about in another blog. In this blog I want to tackle the subject that apart from the prophecies or the well-wishers who declare that I will definitely have a child no one is talking about the other side of the coin Infertility. It is kind of a given that if you are married and especially if you are christian you will have children at some point, it will happen. Because there seems to be that unsaid norm that your not complete until you have children. You couldn't possibly go through life without children. After all doesn't God give children to everyone??

Once again I have not given up, not at all. However I have to live with the reality that right now we don't have children. Right now it is just Reggie and myself. What makes it even harder is that Reggie is a lot younger than me and marrying me meant that he has sacrificed his own opportunity to have natural children. Neither of us could have known the journey and barriers we would face to having children at all let alone natural children which without a miracle is going to be impossible. 

Like I wrote about in Mini Van Dinter journey I was diagnosed with something which puts huge barriers against having a baby, besides the diagnosis and coil which yes you've guessed it is a contraceptive my insides need to be completely replaced. Quite frankly the only way this can happen is through divine intervention and like I said that is a possibility for me as I believe in a God who is able. Perhaps it is a massive walk of faith. 

So here we are living something that we believe can be turned around with a miracle but at the same time we have to deal with it right now maybe for a time or maybe forever. Natural childlessness looks likely without that miraculous intervention. 

I hear all the time how people are struggling with their kids and I think wow I would love to just have the opportunity but we don't have that option. We have a few friends who will borrow us their kids but not so many most people are quite possessive with their kids 

We miss not having children, we are what you call a childless not by choice couple, yes its a thing, but you wouldn't think so. As no one is talking about it at least not in the UK Christian Church. This side of the pond I hear very little discussion or talk about it. I've searched and searched for Christian support groups, I've spent hours and hours searching for something that would be able to help us. Now I am grateful to a couple of ministries in America such as Moms in the Making who have an online course and other resources. There used to be a group based in the UK but that is folded not sure why. I didn't manage to get on the course last term but hoping to for this one. Nevertheless Caroline and her team are all in America. True I hear Americans talking about it and american Christians but what about British Christians why are we not talking about it? Are we embarrassed that we don't or can't have children.

I am starting to write on this subject in the hope that friends old and new, people we haven't spoken to yet will come forward and say 'That's me, you are talking about me, I'm going through the same thing."

We cannot be the only ones to be dealing with this. There has to be support out there Christian support here in the UK. Because well if there isn't perhaps we should start something. We cannot have people suffering in silence its time to share the pain, share the grief and share the challenges. 

If you can resonate with this blog please comment below lets support each other